The then-president of the United States had received word that his daring gambit to deploy 1st Lt. Andrew Rowan on a cloak-and-dagger mission to deliver a message to “General Calixto Garcia, a leader of the Cuba insurgents somewhere in the mountain fastness of Cuba” has been a success.

According to reports, President Donald Trump’s Oval Office predecessor, William McKinley, described Rowan’s flair and ability to seize the initiative when carrying out an otherwise impossible assignment behind enemy lines during the Spanish-American War as the whole drama of American civilization, the apotheosis of the spirit required to make America great again.

 “Cuba ought to be free and independent,” McKinley tub-thumped. “The government should be turned over to the Cuban people. The mission of the U.S. is benevolent assimilation.”

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