Can I sell tickets to my funeral?

Muhammed Ali’s handlers have been compiling the champs thoughts and wishes over the years in a 2 inch thick binder called “The Book.” This book details Ali’s funeral plans and his wishes to make it a multi-denominational service with the public invited. On the surface that sounds all well and good, but with the high profile celebrities, athletes and politicians in attendance the chance of getting a ticket to the funeral might be tough for the Louisville locals. Hotel rooms in Louisville are in great demand. Network broadcast trucks are blanketing the streets … sounds like the Superbowl of funerals. This could be the first time in history tickets to a funeral will be scalped. Is that really how the champ planned it or saw it? Somehow I doubt it. I’ve often said (and I plan to do it) that I wanna have my funeral at 6am, so folks will know how it feels to drag that butt outta be at 4am … I wan’t a bagpiper to play Amazing Grace coming through a bank of fog on the first fairway at a local golf course. After a short service and a big breakfast (with Bloody Marys and cigars) … every body will then go out and play a 9 hole golf tournament with proceeds going to a charity … If I’m lucky I’ll die in February…

—Phil Williams


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